Suicide

Lost again. What is life?

When you’re down in the dump, groaning in your own vomit and not a care about the world or your girlfriend who’s already going through a tough time, as your friends and the whole party screams as the clock hits midnight, you still don’t realise what went wrong or what is going wrong because the high catches your conscious thinking and takes you back to sleeping like a baby.

I like to think about committing suicide every once in a while. It makes you realise what you actually care about. Call me crazy.

Things change, people change, even feelings change.

I’ve changed. It was a dark end to a bad year. But bad things do lead to good. They always have.

Wassup

It’s been a long time. Lots of things have happened. All of them good.

I just read my last post, man that guy was confused. Well in his defence, it was a confusing time.

He’s in a good college, and has met a nice girl. Loveee. He’s still getting used to not being single. But yeah knowing him, he’ll get there.

No one knows what the future holds. The past might be beautiful, nostalgic, haunting or sometimes even torturing. But the mystery of the future keeps us goin’.

I’ve met some decent people. Different kinds of people. The future has to be, can only be good.

I don’t know maybe I’m talking shit. I’m just a dream afterall.

Till it’s over.

Honestly, I’m pretty fuck up right now. but when I see it, all of this was meant to be happen. And it’s good for me. And I’m not just being positive here.

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I don’t know where I’ll be in a couple of years. Hell, I don’t even know where I’ll be in a couple of minutes. I don’t know what i want. I’m unsure about everything at the moment. Living just to live. For nothing.

The real problem is that I don’t know if I like her or not. There are some things you can’t be unsure about. And this is one of them. But the thing is, I’ve never had anything easy.

“When you don’t know why you love them, it’s true love.”


Hey, I’m not hoping for anything. All I know that if one day we end up together, it’ll be one hell of a story to tell.

Read this… or not

Whatever. You’re reading this. Why are you reading this? Maybe because I asked you to. Or maybe ‘cause luckily you ended up here. Or maybe or maybe…

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Yeah. Boobs sell. Whatever. They do. Literally. But yeah, whatever.

Life.

I know I know sounds boring but what to do? We’re in it, gotta deal with it. Currently, at this point, my life sucks. Balls. There’s just one reason for that: Career. We all see ourselves as adults, living a comfortable life as a billionaire with a hot wife and two cool twin kids. Or is it just me?

Paranoia

I’m the definition of paranoid. I mean, I can’t even type this post without thinking every passing minute that “will it suck?” “will people like it?” Maybe everyone is. Maybe everyone is paranoid. Or maybe this is just me being paranoid. It’s a vicious circle, I tell you.

But seriously

Do you like this post?! Do you like this blog?!

The Leap Of Faith.

Dude! Don’t think a lot. Just go with it. How will you know if you don’t try? Don’t be scared of being scared. Being scared is normal. It’s human. These are dark times. Growing up. Finding who you are. The future might be scary, but you have to remember that just a little ahead there’s freedom.

Man this post is boring.

Is it? Or I’m just being paranoid again? Fuck it. It’s over. Go live your life.

Joblessness

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“If you do what you love, it’s not work.”


Said a half minded douche. What the fuck does this even mean? Say I love killing people. Won’t that be a real stretch? Okay, granted I wouldn’t mind doing that over and over again till I die or I’m caught. But still, is it worth it? 

And when it comes to me, the only thing I absolutely love doing is NOTHING. What’s more beautiful than doing nothing all day long? Nothing. Being jobless is a real job, mind you.

Firstly, there’s the inner guilt chewing constantly on your insides. Mainly because you’re doing nothing to help the world. Solution: Say “Fuck the world!” and go on being jobless.

Secondly, there’s parents. They are absolutely hell bent on making you stop doing nothing, even if that’s what you love. Solution: Plug into your headphones to drown the noise, and continue doing nothing!

Thirdly, and the worst of all, is jealousy. Jealousy drives you insane man. Seeing friends excel in life and getting admissions in colleges in the U.S.A while you’re stuck here in your crappy country contemplating suicide is just pathetic. Solution: Distract yourself. An occupied mind can’t think about doing something productive.

I hope you learnt a lot from this post, as it was a sheer result of distraction!

No Love

Believe me, this post was titled ‘Love’. But the old man up there apparently loves Eminem.

“Ha! Bitch you get no love.”

Love

If you could see it, it’d be pink and fluffy. If you could smell it, it’d smell of cherries and strawberries and roses. A much gayer version of the Devil we know. It’d be pink. But a Devil, nonetheless. A Devil that attracts humans like bees to a flower. I have no girlfriend. Never had one. But yes, there was a girl.

Girls

I wonder how a man can be gay. Its so hard to not love girls. You can love girls even without they even knowing you exist. You gotta love that! Plus, boobs. But that’s not the point!

Girl

Bhavan’s College, Andheri. My HSC Board Exam centre. She was beautiful. She was girly. She was single. But I had never hit on a girl before. Still, after half the exams passed, I talked to her. It was very awkward. For her! I played cool and confident. Yes, things looked good!

Then?

She did not come the next day. “Different subjects, no.” The guy behind me said. I imploded with regret. Why hadn’t I talked to her sooner? I was never going to see the girl with which I perhaps had an actual chance of scoring, ever again

Aww.

I know. I don’t know what love is, but who does? But I thought I could fall in love. I even had a chance! Blew it.

But it was your first time, you’re allowed one chance.

Thank you! I shall survive.

Take Care

Take Care

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May your neighbors respect you

Trouble neglect you, angels protect you

And heaven accept you..

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Yup, Take Care is out, and I’ve got it! Obsessing over it since months now, imagine how I felt when I opened that really, really well packed Flipkart package.

Hell, all my Twitter folks were fed up cause Take Care was all I talked about.

But Its Just Started!

The Mania has just begun. It’s crazy how one person can impact your life. Crazy how one thing can impact your life.

I’m scared.

Life can be longer than you think. It is longer than you think. Then why the hell do I have this feeling of content in my mind? I feel like even if I die today, I won’t have any regrets. This scares me, because this wasn’t the plan.

It’s gonna be December soon.

And that’s what’s keeping me going. December is a present that you receive for making it through the entire year. Cheers to that.

The Crime Of The Century

It was a normal Tuesday morning. People in the house were trying to wake me up: my Mom was was screaming at me and cooking simultaneously, my Dad was shaking me violently, and my sister was throwing water on my face. I, as usual, was telling them to cut it.

But then my Mom left the kitchen and started towards my room, shouting all the way through, that I was late for college. It was then that I woke up.

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|30 MINUTES LATER|

I was sitting in the college library, studying Ray Optics, with Drake’s Marvin’s Room on repeat. I liked Ray Optics. It was easy and I knew most of it, mainly because half of it I’d already learned in the Tenth Grade.

So deeply engrossed I was, that I didn’t look up for 2 straight hours. Yes. It was a record. There was something about this chapter that was different. 

Given that I have this Huge-Ass Test on Sunday, I am supposed to be studying all day long if I want to get good marks. So after studying for two hours, I was happy.

That’s when my stomach started growling. 

Leaving my books on the desk, I went over to the fast food restaurant across the street with a bunch of friends.

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|45 MINUTES LATER| 

I was rushing up the stairs of Pace Junior Science College along with a class-mate, to make it to the lecture in time.

As I reached my floor, I remembered that all my belongings were in the library. Parting with him, I rushed to get them.

A blast of cold, conditioned air hit my face as I pushed open the door to the library. I half heard the librarian scolding me for running so fast and making noise and whatnot.

When I looked at the table, my heart sank. The Ray Optics booklet had vanished from its spot. I searched around frantically, but in vain. No one had seen anyone take the booklet. It had simply disappeared.

I asked around again, reported the loss to the librarian, and proceeded for the lecture, vowing to get to the bottom of this mishap after class.

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|2 AND A HALF HOURS LATER|

I emerged from the lecture-room with the flowing river of students. I was still upset about the theft. I went over to the library, and simply asked the librarian for a new copy of the booklet.

But being the asshole that all Pace librarians are, he said that that wouldn’t be possible as “it was my mistake” and “i was careless about it”

But being the persistent chap that I am, I convinced him.

But Alas! They had run out.

He suggested taking a Xerox from a classmate, since studying that was important for the test. I told him to suck it. I headed over to the Senior Librarian, an even Bigger Asshole. So I had little hope.

But as it turned out, he was in a good mood today. So he said that he was tired of such thefts and that he would check out the security footage. I thanked him and told him that he could find me in the library.

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|2 HOURS LATER|

The Ass hadn’t checked the footage. And he had no intentions of doing so. I cursed God for ruining my day, took a copy off a friend’s booklet, and went home.

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EPILOUGE

Karma being the bitch that she is, snatched away the only booklet I had managed to start. Fuck her. 

PS: Titles can be deceptive.

Ask The Moon

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At the sound of a distant sparrow,

I arose from a sound sleep,

In the Moonlight that bathed the Woods outside,

I heard a cur weep.

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With shivering limbs and sweaty brow,

I looked at the Great Oak Tree,

I looked at the Moon seated between the branches,

She most certainly was spying on me.

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Full she was this night,

And oh so Bright!

Her light struck my eyes,

Stinging with full might.

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Of you she reminded me of,

Of how we used to play in these very woods and lands,

And that wretched night when you were snatched away from me,

By god’s own hands.

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A tear silver, rolled down my eyes,

And my mind drifted away.

So deep was I lost in my thoughts of you,

That I couldn’t hear the lock crack open, or the door sway.

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But the footsteps that followed,

They shattered the musings of mine,

And even before I could turn or cry,

The Blade was dug into my spine.

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My soul, as white as the Moon that watched from the trees,

Rose from the spouts of blood that now grew bigger,

Rising above the bed and the roof,

I spotted rushing away, a Black Figure.

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You descended from the heavens above,

To join me in my rise, You were glowing bright as a dove.

Our spirits con-joined, and I whispered,

“I’ve missed you my love.”

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We danced together,

As free as the wind that blows,

The Clouds, The Air, and The Fire did come,

To witness this amazing Union occurring very close.

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As we rose into the Blood Red Sky hand in hand,

You leaned in saying, “What made you join me so soon?”

I looked back, and with a heavy heart answered,

“Ask the Moon”

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Santa’s Pit

See that new link up there?

It’s called Santa’s Pit.

Yes, I Know You Can Read It.

So what is it?

The idea is that it will contain all the things that I want to do before the year ends.

Cool. But it’s empty.

Exactly.